Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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