Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize