I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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