Got a toothbrush?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.