Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...