Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.