It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
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Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.