I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?