Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
handjob tips. give me some.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
