We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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