I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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