he puts the penis in happiness.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
