Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
