Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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