He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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