shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
