I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
