you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.