I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?