need another drink. this is the easiest way
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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