After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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