I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
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she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Pooping to opera.
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