one word: firstdatebathroomanal
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
