Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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