when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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