dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
