Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
