just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
