Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize