i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
