i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
