I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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