Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
