I am puke
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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