I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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