I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
