6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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