I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize