I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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