We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
