I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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