Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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