Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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