i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
