Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
