Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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