Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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