I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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