I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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