Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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