Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize