yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
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i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared