i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo