I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I could have mohawked her pubes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?