New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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