everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize